This is my personal blog and a space that I try to make sense of my wandering life. Depending on the day it could be a helpful resource for the country I'm in, or a self-help guide. We'll just have to see ;)
I have yet to figure out the direct correlation between the time on the clock and my sentiments to the past. However, I do know that It’s late and I’m wandering down memory lane. Except, I’m not sure which path to follow. They have been everything from short and sweet to long, back-breaking hauls through deserts and jungles and mountains. They’re littered with scenery that take my breath away and I can’t possibly imagine having been there myself. Tears, smiles, and deep-belly laughter narrate spots on my map which, over the years has grown from a city fold-out to a world atlas…and sometimes I just get lost in it all. It turns out that the longer I travel, the longer I spend re-living it when I have a down moment. And sometimes, that innocent memory turns into a physical longing, an ache to feel the sun from a different angle in the universe, smell coffee beans roasting, or feel the tickle of my tongue rolling out unfamiliar sounds.
So, is the ache really worth it? Are all these hours spent imagining something I have already experienced some kind of craziness? Surely it’s like the addict who has experienced his high and is doomed to spend the rest of his life chasing that magical illusion that simply becomes better – and less attainable with time….. isn’t it?
Or, maybe it’s not crazy or repetitive at all. Maybe it’s a way to discover a place all over again. For me, nostalgia is part of the reason I keep going. So, in some strange way I only go forward in hopes of having a great trip back. Part of the joy of that take-your-breath away moment, that fleeting experience or view or relationship, is knowing your senses are too full to handle it but that pieces will return to you long after the moment has vanished.
The balance comes in simply creating more nostalgia worthy moments. That’s the trick for me at least; my happy place between the extremes of “living in the past” and only planning for the future. It’s about creating, living and doing. Making sure the things I do will be worth remembering, savoring them in times when inspiration is running dry, and using them as fuel.
Nostalgia, for me, is the next adventure.